Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
