i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize