She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
