I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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