cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize