The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
