My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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