I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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