Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
