I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
