im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
