Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
