I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
