So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is it because I queefed?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize