im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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