I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
