That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
