She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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