he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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