Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
