Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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