it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
