ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
