nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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