i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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