too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
