so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
