i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
