I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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