I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
