We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
