Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
