just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
