It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
