I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
