I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
