How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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