You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize