I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
