Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
