I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
