By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just found a bag of teeth...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
