dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
