I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Congratulations! We have a period
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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