Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
