Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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