If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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