____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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