A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
