Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
