when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
