there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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