5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
