Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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