im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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