Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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