He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
