I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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