ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
