Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
