I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My bed smells like the plague
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
