Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
